The Love Channel April 2012
I have been single for 5 1/2 months. My children’s father and I fight constantly about the kids. He found a new girl friend in October and only has seen the kids three or four times since the split. My ex and his new pregnant girl friend are trying to say I abuse and neglect our kids, which I don’t, and he knows that. We can’t even have a conversation without fighting and arguing. If anyone’s neglecting the kids it’s him? Why doesn’t he move on and worry about his new girl friend instead of starting trouble with me, if he is so happy and in love? When will my time come to be happy and in love?
Dear Single Mom:
Whew, big time power struggle going on here. He still has feelings for you that he won’t admit. Your ex is also a control freak and wants to dominate you. My guides are saying “if you spot it, you got it.” That means he knows he has not been the best father so he blames you instead. I see you holding up a mirror and he looking at himself. In other words he sees his own character flaws and blames you. He does not love himself therefore it is hard for him to love you or his new girlfriend. His new girlfriend feels like it is more about lust than anything else, although he does care for her. Your children’s father has a lot of unresolved issues, problems with anger, is abusive, and has substance abuse problems. “I’m hearing the song lyric, “Don’t worry, be happy.” In his case the song is referring to his denial of his life. He is not happy within himself.
For you I am getting the song lyric “free, free, set them free.” You still have some feelings for him, although you are angry and disgusted with him. What you need to set free is the power struggle you have with the father of your children. I do not see him going away, he may not be the best dad but they are his children. So you are stuck with him. This is a great lesson in boundaries. In case you don’t know what boundaries are, they are limits we set in order to feel safe, not taken advantage of, and respected. The first thing you need to do is stop the cycle of fighting and arguing. Take your power back by setting limits. I see a couple dancing, stop the dance. In other words when he starts to argue tell him you will not engage in it. No name calling or pointing the finger. Talk about what time is he going to see the kids, where to pick them up, etc. If he gets angry and starts to yell, tell him he needs to speak in a calm manner, if he does not “hang up.” I see text messages; it might be best just to text. Ignore his name calling.
You need to make a legal boundary. I see that you are a good mom, a stressed mom, but still a good mom. Protect yourself from his false accusations. He is purposely going for your jugular because he knows how much your children mean to you. I’m getting you will get legal help either for free or at a low cost. He is not going away; you will have to deal with him for years. Picture the ideal situation to interact with him. Whatever you do, do not take him back. The legal issues, (getting the song lyric “Everything is coming my way”), will go in a favorable way for you.
To answer you last question, Be Happy Now! I see a glass that is half full with water but you are looking at it as half empty. Be grateful for everything. Learn to speak and think positively. That is so important because it affects everything. I know there is a lot of stress in your life; I see that you rarely have a moment to yourself. That will not last forever. My guides are saying “it is only a moment in time.” I’m also getting that you need to further your education. Take some classes; I’m seeing a computer, so that means online classes. I know your schedule is full. But you did choose to have your children. Improve your life so you can improve theirs.
The other thing you need to look at is why you chose you ex in the first place. Yes, he has issues but so do you. I know you do not like me saying that. Stay out of another love relationship and focus on you. It is important to examine this last relationship. I’m seeing red flags, were there any warning signs when you first met him? My guides are saying the “Serenity Prayer,” did you think you could change him? Did you accept unacceptable behavior from him? Now I am hearing Aretha sing “Rescue me,” did you think he would make your life better? I am seeing you as a little girl with an adult male who feels like a guardian/father. He feels controlling and domineering. In what ways is your children’s father like your guardian/father? I see you journaling and clearing up these issues. You are letting go of the old in order for the new to come in.
I do see dating as the weather gets warmer, be very choosey before making a commitment. It feels like this candidate has similar issues to your ex. Truthfully, it would be a good idea to put your love life or at least a commitment on hold. Scrutinize, heal, and learn from your last relationship before moving on to a committed relationship. If you do that you will attract a much better man than the warm weather candidate. The better man feels more respectful, responsible, and healthier. And he is really cute.
Lastly, I see you improving your lifestyle and giving your children a good life. I know it is hard for you at times and a lot of work. But it is so worth it. I can see your soul is beautiful and is golden. You just need to clean up & polish the gold. Your Angels want you to live a life well lived. Be an example to other single moms. My guide are singing “I know we can make it, I know that we can, yes we can, can, can,…” Be a shining light, be the beautiful soul that you are.