Coming Out Of The Closet
I can vividly recall as a child the term ‘psychic’ being equated with something evil, along with Ouija boards, Séance’s and any such activity of a supernatural nature. The general consensus was that it was “Devil Worship”. Of course, this could be due to the fact that I grew up in the Midwest in a very conservative Christian area. The media on television portrayed psychics as outrageously overdressed gypsies that tried to swindle you of all your money with promises of impending doom but riches and good fortune could be had for a price. Surrounded by fear, many psychics simply kept to themselves and did not publicly announce their many talents unless approached by a ‘believer’. The attitudes were reminiscent of those seen in 1692 during the Salem Witch trials. However, hangings occurred in a non-literal sense in the form of verbal condemnation. My own fear led to self-condemnation because I was an intuitive empath who felt, heard and saw things that others did not feel, hear or see. I am not the only one, there are many who have denied their gifts or shut them down out of fear or lack of understanding.
Many hours were spent in my childhood perched in the top of a tree, never realizing then that I was ‘meditating’. At the time, I had not even been introduced to the term meditate and if I had I am certain I would have denied that was what I was doing. But meditate I did, and I did it frequently for hours. Sitting in a tree brought about a feeling of peace and serenity that I did not feel when surrounded by my peers. Of course, now I know that I was ‘getting grounded’ by earth energy. I could have easily lived in a tree and envied Jane every time I watched the old Tarzan television series. I could see myself swinging from tree to tree in raw abandonment free from the turmoil and restrictions I felt within my own family. A simple thought in my mind of anything ‘supernatural’ while in the presence of another ‘human’ would bring me feelings of immense fear and apprehension. I know now I was reading their opinion of my thought and this ‘gift’ of feeling was one way spirit communicated to me and how I managed to survive and avoid the criticism that I so detested. The same criticism that caused me to completely shut down and withdraw into an almost catatonic state of rejection.
I was approximately nine years old when I started toying with divination. I made a pendulum and would show off my ‘magic’ skills. As long as everyone believed it was just a ‘parlor trick’ they were accepting of the concept and thought it was cute. Even though at the time I did not truly understand how this was working, I knew it was no trick. The pendulum spoke to me, but that was my little secret that I guarded very closely. And I continued to guard this method of obtaining guidance over the years out of fear of rejection. That fear of un-acceptance that can paralyze an individual into living a life of internal solitude for fear of being ‘found-out’. Dowsing is the double standard. In the 1500’s dowsing, a form of divination was used to locate metals. Even though it was considered occultism it was a practice used because it worked. Even those who condemned or were skeptical of the occult would employ this method, because greed loses its sense of discrimination, however temporary it may be. Throughout the ages, many a prominent figure has secretly and not so secretly consulted a seer or someone who practiced divination to obtain answers when there was a lot at stake and their own intuition was fused with doubt. Even Presidents of the United States have been rumored to consult the stars and yet I hid this gift.
I live in a perpetual world of sometimes strange and bizarre images. Very early, dreams filled my head both in my waking life and while sleeping. My grandmother also dreamed and had developed a skill of ‘knowing’ from her dreams. As a youngster, my skills were not yet developed and I would have those dejà vu’ moments that could be quite unsettling. However, I intuitively knew things from the images I saw during wakeful hours. I would get a visual of myself in a situation and see the outcome and then find myself in that situation and just know what to-do or what not to-do. Unfortunately I did not always heed these warnings. My own dreams no longer terrify me because I know that in order to get my attention the images need to be graphic and intense and they are never literal but most times a metaphor related to an emotion I am feeling. And that is how I read dreams, through the emotion. I have found the stronger the emotion, the more intense the dream. However, most dreams that are of a prophetic nature for me occur while I am awake. I have always been fascinated by others’ dreams as well and would insist they share them with me. Over the years this simple exercise has helped to develop a gift for dream interpretation. I have read many books over the years on the subject of dreams. There are many types of dreams according to a number of authors and experts. And symbolism can vary from author to author. Dream interpretation has evolved a little differently than other forms of divination. Thanks in part to Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud; dream interpretation was well accepted during the same time period that psychics and seers were thought to be evil or some part of Devil worship. In today’s society psychics are a sought after commodity and accepted even within some law enforcement agencies whereas in some of the scientific medical communities dream interpretation is considered quackery. Because of majority acceptance and the overall fascination people in general have with dreams, I never felt a need to hide my own interest in dreams. I merely kept most of the dreams I had to myself to avoid the ‘strait-jacket’ looks that would ensue as I shared the more bizarre of dream imagery. I have found when assisting others’ with their dreams, interpreting the dream based on a subconscious emotion provides an avenue of insight and healing for the individual. I do occasionally find myself in the presence of someone who thinks dream interpretation is a “bunch of bogus bleep”. When this happens, I smile and change the subject. Maybe I am going back in the closet or maybe I read the “Energy Signature” of this individual and knew it was better left alone.
It wasn’t until I was in my early forties that I heard the term ‘Energy Signature’. That unmistakable and unique frequency that each individual has and that can alternate up and down based on our current thoughts and state of mind. However, reading the energy signature of an individual was something I had been doing since I was a small child. It is always a feeling for me, a knowing, of what someone is thinking or feeling. This knowing brought about a lot of skepticism from people if I told them I knew what they were thinking. So I stopped telling them. It seemed to always result in them wanting a ‘verbal word-for-word description’ of what they were thinking from me to prove I actually knew. And often times would result in a confrontational dispute because the words were wrong. They were my words, not theirs and verbal communication results in a lot of confusion. Over time as I further developed and understood this gift called Clairsentience, I also developed a way to confirm my feelings through asking questions. Most importantly I learned how to protect myself and not take on the feelings and emotions of those around me. During healing sessions, this gift is of huge significance in helping people to open up to their subconscious through verbalization of their thoughts by asking the questions in a compassionate manner. I have found in recent years that I am also able to read the energy signature of others through their written words. The ability to read someone’s energy signature from a distance is probably my most valuable gift, in this age of internet and electronic communication. Clairsentient has also brought me the greatest form of entertainment and I can’t help but giggle sometimes when walking through groups of people. However, each gift carries a price and occasionally I wish I didn’t know.
For most of my life I denied these gifts, I did everything I could to stop feeling and spent a lot of time unhappy. When I started acknowledging them I kept them locked in the closet selfishly using them for my own purposes. I feared rejection for being different, weird, “a little touched in the head” as I was sometimes referred to by those closest to me. I did not understand that they were gifts from spirit that I was meant to share with humanity. And then it happened. Spirit gave me a swift kick and said “we have been trying to get your attention, maybe now you will listen”. I heard this loud and clear as I sat in the ER experiencing my wake up call. That is when my journey truly began and I opened the closet door and took a peak outside. People literally started falling from the sky and landing in my path. Teachers and helpers who had been waiting to assist me in expanding these precious gifts that were mine only in the sense that I was meant to share them. Spirit was very clear that I was to “address the whole”. I am still discovering all the ramifications of this statement. Initially I interpreted the statement to mean Body, Mind and Spirit in that order. I assumed that was all it meant when I found myself enrolled in college to study Holistic Nutrition, received my Certification as a Reiki Master and became an ordained Spiritual Reverend. But Spirit said oh no, there is more you need to learn. I found myself studying Shamanism and interning with a small circle of individuals that came to be known as ‘The Peacemakers”. Through this work Spirit brought to my arsenal of tools the ability to assist with Soul Retrieval. Soul loss occurs for many reasons, primarily due to trauma and grief. When an experience is too painful the soul can simply lock that part of itself away someplace safe where it is easier to deal with the negative experience. This occurs primarily in early years when the emotional body is less mature and less able to process, accept and integrate these negative experiences. By retrieving the fragmented pieces of soul and integrating the emotions a process of healing begins.
Spirits message to me of “addressing the whole” was a powerful message with multiple meanings. It is true that we individually need to address body, mind and spirit. Consuming fresh wholesome organic foods nourish the body and ensure that our physical frequencies are healthy. A low physical frequency leads to illness, disease and a disconnection from our spiritual body. Nourishing our minds with positive uplifting messages also ensures that our frequencies vibrate at a healthy level. Acceptance is the first step to healing. Accepting who you are and that you are perfection in the eyes of spirit is a powerful message for each and every one of us. Every day should be started with gratitude. Simply saying thank you feels so good to the soul. Giving from your heart allows you to also receive and that mutual exchange of positive energy uplifts both parties. It is just as important to receive as it is to give. By not receiving that which is given to you, you rob the other party from being uplifted by gratitude. Even if it is a simple complement of how nice you look. Just saying thank you from your heart can provide healing to someone else. We are all connected and my message to “address the whole” was not for me alone. It was for all of us. It was for everyone who has denied their own gifts, for we have all been given the ability to heal. It is part of our birthright as spiritual beings.
Each time I think I have learned enough, spirit brings me more. More people, more modes of healing, more learning and more opportunity to come out of the closet. I have more pendulums than I can count and am no longer afraid to pull one out and start working regardless of who is around. People gravitate to me with questions on nutrition and emotional wellness and I am not afraid to tell them the animal spirit that wishes to work with them and help them along their path if that is the case. Even those that roll their eyes at my flamboyancy occasionally reach out when they are in a tough spot. Healing in and of itself is a gift, but only if you accept it. With healing comes happiness by accepting your past for what it is and staying present in this moment you are in. Embracing all that you are and having gratitude for all your individual ‘weirdness’. Knowing that you always have exactly what you need and the only one that needs to accept you is you. “Happiness is not something you aspire to or attain by accumulation. Happiness is within you but for most it’s shadowed by wants and expectations. Acceptance, Gratitude, and Love equal Happiness. Laugh off the inconveniences, smile at the simple beauty of a tree, accept that nothing is perfect, yet all is perfection and Love unconditionally.” Yes, I have come out of the closet and by doing so my energy soared. Yes, I am ‘touched in the head’, but I am touched in the head by Spirit and it’s a good thing.