What picture enters your mind when you hear the word bully? Is it the vision of a fifth grader who is taller and bigger than the other kids who walks around the playground with a small group taking lunch money, giving wedgies and beating up people? It is a vision of a mean girl, dressed to the nines with her group of girls following behind her, rolling her eyes and sneering in giggles at the other girls not dressed as well? Is it the ones online that taunt and tease behind the corner of a computer screen? Is it your neighbor who pushes your fence back a foot to make his yard bigger or yells at your dog? Is it your boss who nit picks and condescends constantly, keeping you up at night with your stomach knotted in stress? What is it you see when you hear the word bully? Now, what is it you feel? Do you feel a tightness in the chest, a sinking of the stomach? Do your fists begin to clench, your muscles tighten? Do you want to fight or flee? Run or hide? What is the feeling behind the word bully? What you see, feel and the reactions within you are all part of the psychology of bullying. Collectively that is what you call a person in power who abuses others for personal gain. At the core of this phenomenon lies a psychological power play. It is a dance of control. It is mind games beyond mind games, a play of opposites, and a battle for power. Now, for a moment, feel into the psyche of a bully. Picture a specific one you knew as a child or an adult. What do you feel? Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Confusion? Hatred? Angst? Within the personality of a bully lies great confusion, lies great insecurities, lies great powerlessness. “Powerlessness?” you say. “What? Bullies have all the power! They get what they want, how they want, when they want!” Or do they? The one thing that both the bully and the victim feel they lack in life is power. In that moment of aggression, play upon play, words and actions, both parties are motivated by a strong, intense feeling of powerlessness. It’s all about power. The bully attempts to steal it from the victim. The victim attempts to get it back. It becomes a tug of war that engages both parties. Whether it’s taking that feeling of power from another, by force, manipulation, fear tactics or cohesion, it is all about stealing power. If bullies already had love, appreciation, purpose, dedication, money, fame, success, attention, etc. they would not need to fight so hard and to do so much to get it. They are filling a lack they feel inside. Happy children do not bully. Happy people do not bully. The psychology of bullying comes from a deep need to dominate, to feel in control of others because they feel completely and totally out of control in their own lives. Aggression comes from fear. When we look at the dynamic of the bully/victim it is indeed two sides of the same coin. One side is an aggressor who copes with insecurity by acting outward with anger and control. The other side is the submissive, who copes with powerlessness by going inward with fear and worry. Both sides are actively in combat. Both sides are in inner turmoil. Both sides are equally able to be victim and bully. The most victimized can often become the greatest aggressors. So, how do we stop this cycle? How do we end this toe to toe backstabbing, angry control cycle? We don’t. You do. If you recognize the struggle, understand the psychology of the relationship, see all sides and empower all parties, instead of a war it can become a dance. Educate yourself. Empower your children. Learn and understand the dance. Each side is much more complex than right or wrong, bully or aggressor. Each situation and person is different. Create an atmosphere of understanding. Create a place where it is safe to discuss the nuances, feelings and complexity of this situation. Be open and listen, without judgment, to all sides. Validate and encourage cooperation among all parties. Allow the victim to be heard and empowered instead of pitying them into victimhood. Allow the bully to be heard and encouraged positively instead of written off and demonized. Bringing both sides to the table of accountability is the beginning to the solution in the land of bullies. The solution does not happen overnight. The changes won’t either, but starting an open dialogue is the beginning of change. The conversation begins here. The possibilities for healing all sides are endless. Bringing to light the deepest truth behind it all is empowering and enlightening beyond measure. We all want to be loved, heard, appreciated and empowered to be the best we can be. If we can do that for our kids, then perhaps we can also do it for ourselves. In what areas of your life are you a bully? In what areas are you a victim? Time to shine the light on a touchy subject filled with confusion. Clarity brings confidence and resolution. Let it begin today! In Clear Conscience. All our love. ~W~ Come join in the collective conversation on Bullying- this month on Jeannine Proulx’s Star Children Show on Star Nation’s Radio Network, Blog Talk Radio. www.starnationsradio.com. The WORLD Collective Consciousness The WORLD Collective Consciousness is the combined voices of all the people, creatures, nations, energies, thoughts and possible realities that this wonder of a world has created and will create. Everyone has a Collective of who they are: mind, body, spirit, subconscious, lives lived, people loved, spirit connections, guides and energies. That is us as individuals. The WORLD Collective Consciousness is us as a whole. They speak with one voice, a sense of humor and a practical way of showing us all the possibilities we have available to us at any moment. They are more than thrilled to now be a part of the conversation in the spiritual community and eventually in the world itself. It is their time to talk and Jeannine Proulx’s honor to write with them. May you enjoy the insights revealed and the stories shared as the WORLD brings to life its secrets. *WORLD = Wide Open Reality Alive with Dimension www.jeannineproulx.com www.dharmaplace.com]]>