Losing someone we love is one of the hardest things we have to deal with in our lives. The grief is overwhelming and the hurt feels like it will never go away. Many become stuck in grief for years and feel it difficult to go on.
But there are ways of dealing with our grief and managing our thoughts and energy body that can speed our healing and help us return to an even better life than before our loss. The loss can serve as a powerful tool in our ascension. Sounds impossible, I know.
What I share here is what I’ve learned over many years learning about and dealing with energy, working with clients and my own experience with and growth from my father’s recent passing.
I knew my dad was going to pass. I didn’t know exactly when, of course, but I knew it was sometime in the near future. I did think we would have more time than we did. I thought about some things that were likely to come: a prolonged period of grief and an increase in physical pain. I didn’t want either. I knew from past times of sadness that my now minimal pain issues were likely to return because of the lower vibration of grief and the way we tend to hold our bodies while grieving.
Conscious Grieving
I also knew this was not what I wanted. I chose to go into the whole process consciously and apply what I already knew. This meant that it was important to allow the energy of grief to flow through me each time it needed to, to watch how I held my body, to watch my every thought, and to reach for positive thoughts every time I could. I also needed to pull on my own experiences with the Other Side.
The inevitable happened (3 months ago now) and the grief was huge. Every time I felt the energy well up in me in the form of emotion, I went with it. I cried. I allowed it to flow through me like water, without resistance. I would mostly retreat to the bathroom floor with my box of tissues because I could cry more freely in private.
I used my knowledge of the EmoTrance Technique: I concentrated on where I felt the emotion in my body, loosened that area, and allowed it to flow. I would feel the knot in my heart and the pressure in my head loosen. I kept my arms relaxed so the energy stuck in my heart could flow out through them since that’s a route I knew heart energy often chose. My crying jags loosened and lessened quickly.
Watching Thoughts
Equally important was watching my thoughts. Having done many Dysfunctional Core Belief Release Sessions, I knew that we humans tend to tell ourselves so many things that aren’t true and we tend to adopt these thoughts as core beliefs. We learn things in childhood like, “I’m not good enough,” “I have to work harder than everyone else,” etc. I knew we tended to do this during times of hardship as well, and that the old ones tended to rear their ugly heads during times of weakness. So I watched my every thought that came into my mind.
I watched the little girl in me wanting to come up. She felt the stinging loss of her “daddy.” I reassured her and comforted her, but didn’t indulge her and allow her to take over. I reminded myself of the reality: I was a grown woman who was unbelievably fortunate to have had her father for so long. He had many health issues that he believed would have taken him away a lot earlier.
Another thought was, “Life will never be the same.” Although this was true on many levels, I needed to acknowledge that there was a drama behind this thought. It wasn’t merely an objective statement of reality, it was an effort to tell myself how bad it was. I reminded myself that, yes, life would never be exactly the same—my father was physically gone and my mother was going to live with us—but that didn’t mean it had to be bad; there could be beauty and blessings in it. I would take each day as it came.
I also watched the tendency toward guilt. We seem to love to blame ourselves for things once someone dies. This propensity is so dangerous because you can never go back and address your issues with this person in the physical again. Instead, I reflected back to myself what was really true: I had done the best I could, given all the circumstances involved. I could still talk to him and ask for forgiveness if I felt I needed it, and I could try to do better in the future with others.
I watched the tendency to “poke the bruise.” We love to poke at things and see if they still hurt. If it wasn’t hurting, I didn’t go poking around to try to prolong or provoke the grief. If I felt good, I simply went with it and was thankful for it. If I didn’t feel good, I retreated again to the bathroom floor and allowed it to flow.
I watched the influence of family, friends and society. I didn’t feel a need to be feeling worse than anyone else as a measure of my love. I fought the expectation that I should still be sad, that I shouldn’t smile, that I couldn’t have fun, and that I needed to be as sad as those around me.
I consciously looked for every happy moment and milked it for everything it was worth.
The Story of Life
There were moments I felt bad for feeling good. I would talk to my dad and apologize and tell him I did miss him and ask if it was okay to try to feel good. I always heard him tell me it was perfect. Then my answer came in a powerful way. I had a dream which turned into a lucid dream, then a conscious conversation, then back to a lucid dream, then to a conscious conversation again. My dad was there with all the other “characters” in my life. It was before we incarnated. We were planning the life to come. We knew players would come and go. That was always the plan. The plan was never to curl up in a ball and stop what they kept calling “the story” or the life.
The point was to keep the story going, to see where the story went and, above all, to enjoy the story. More than anything, my dad wanted me to be happy. That would honor him and “the story” (the life—both his and mine) the most.
I awoke elated. It all made so much sense. It was still very early, so I laid there thinking about the message and then faded into a lucid dream again. I was going around excitedly telling everyone I met about my new revelation. No one would listen. They were all sick. Some had cancers, some had other ailments, and they wouldn’t listen.
Gradually, I fully awakened and I laid there confused. I had this amazing revelation from Spirit—a reason to reengage with life and move beyond grief—yet no one would listen. I asked Spirit why and heard: “They were sick. Human beings tend to do the same thing during sickness as they do in grief. They stop the story and make everything about the illness, when the most important thing to do is continue the story and see where it goes.
Positive Thoughts
Another thing I learned was that we always have a choice to choose a good thought over a bad one. I know at times we feel that we don’t have a choice—the darkness, negativity and sadness just come—but the reality is that we do. We can choose the thought that says, “I’m so grateful to have had him,” versus the one that says, “I’ll never see him again.” We can choose, “Life will go on in a wondrous way if I let it,” versus “Life as I know it is over.” We can choose, “I will still have love in my life,” versus “No one will ever love me like he did.” You get the point. This thinking transformed the whole process for me and catapulted me into a more amazing view of life than I had even before my dad passed.
Contact with the Other Side
In recent years, I have had many experiences with those on the Other Side. Some were my own communications, some I channeled for others and some were channeled for me. I know our loved ones are still with us, we just can’t always see, feel or hear them in the same way we did, which makes us sad. I reminded myself continually that my dad was still here and that helped ease the pain.
One of the most amazing things about choosing to go through this process consciously is that I can now communicate with my dad regularly. I have access to him because I am not stuck in the lower vibrations of grief and guilt where I can’t feel him. In fact, going through my dad’s death in this way has actually propelled me into a more heightened state of joy, gratitude, patience and kindness. And it’s a pretty good place to live!
If you have found this article helpful and would like to see a short YouTube version of this message, please go to my video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G288tJcj3WA. Please forward the article or video to others who are grieving any type of loss.
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