Philadelphians have a particular accent and way of expressing themselves. Having been raised in these environs, it had a familiar sound; but one which I have worked hard to overcome. Most people who hear me wouldn’t be able to determine from whence I came and unless I am around folks (like my sister Jan) who still carry it, it hides well. When I saw her on Sunday, she acknowledged, “That’s because you speak professionally.” (The words sounding more like “becawse ya”).

My parents both grew up in the city and my father had a South Philly slant to his words. Imagine Rocky as he ran through the streets of the Italian Market while in training for the boxing ring.  My mother cultivated a more polished manner of speaking as well.

Here are some common terms and pronunciations:

Ack A Mee: Acme, a local supermarket
Addytood: Attitude
Be Yoo Dee Full: Beautiful
Bin Dare: I’ve been there.
Samson Shtreet: Sansom Street
Senner Siddy: Center City
Downashore: The beach (as found along the New Jersey shore)

I still like using the word ‘attytood’ when linked with the word for thankfulness. There are so many things in my life for which I feel grateful. Even on the darkest days, I am able to summon up a rather lengthy list. They run the gamut from people who touch my heart, to beloved objects that tickle my soul. As I am typing these words, I am gazing at a vase of purple alstroemeria that were part of my Birthday gift from my son who knows that purple is my favorite color. 72 hours ago, I was surrounded by loving friends and family who showered me with hugs, kisses and blessings as I turned 55. The energy still reverbs through the house.

Some, like my sister and cousin Roz, I have known all my life. Next in line was my BFF Barb who I met when we were 14 and sat on the bench at a swim meet. We like to say that we swam on different teams together. She was my maid of honor, I was her matron of honor and am Godmother to her 3rd child. Two friends with whom I worked and played in the late 70’s; named Peggy and Chuck came up to visit. We were glad to see each other on a happy occasion, since the last time we were together was at a funeral for one of our friends from way back when. The time line continued and stretched from the 20 some year mark up to that of two weeks earlier when I met Sharon and Norman and invited them to enjoy the festivities as well. One of my favorite things to do at the gatherings (we do another one at the holidays that we call our annual Latke Party; for the crispy potato delicacies served at Chanukah) is to sit back and watch folks interact with each other. I smile as I see so many overlapping interests among them; creative souls all who share a love of music, art, writing, dancing, nature, peace-making and conscious connection. I felt as if I was immersed in love soup when they created an honoring circle as my friend Janet who has been in my life since the early 1980’s declared that I was the queen. I promised to rule benevolently and called out, “Let them eat cake!” and later they indulged in my son’s homemade strawberry short cake with fresh whipped cream. Calls and emails from those who weren’t able to attend along with well wishes from Facebook friends who I may never meet hug to hug, were welcome delights and had me in awe of the ways in which people’s lives blend beautifully. I rather like being the link between them.

I am grateful that I have work that I love which supports me well; being able to sit with clients in the role of therapist as they open their baggage and together we sort through it until there is some semblance of order and comfort in its unfolded contents. I feel blessed to be able to open the treasure chest that contains written words which spill out like so much pirate booty of gold, silver, rubies and diamonds. I enjoy standing before a group as I did last night when I emceed at an event called MoMondays which is like TED talk meets standup comedy and felt natural and at ease being center stage. One of the ice breaker exercises we did that simultaneously brought chills and sent waves of warmth through me was a greeting that is offered by the Maori in New Zealand. In it, the hongi, the ha (or breath of life), is exchanged and the other is no longer a stranger.

I welcome more opportunities to be genuine and vulnerable as I peel off the layers of who I thought I was supposed to be, in favor of who I truly am, regardless of anticipated reaction. I used to believe that I needed to think and act in a certain way in order to be accepted and loved. I did all I could to simultaneously tap dance, cheer lead, spin plates, jump through flaming hoops, twirl sparkly batons, read minds, sprinkle pixie dust and meet people’s needs even before they asked and perhaps even before they knew what they wanted,  all while keeping a smile on my face. Let me tell you, it got exhausting.

Believe it or not, I am glad that people in my life call me on all of that, reminding me that I need do nothing to earn love and approval. Still sometimes I doubt. I have second guessed my own actions and read into those of others. Two of my favorite questions are: “What are you making this mean?” And “What story are you telling yourself about this?”  Often the answers are laughable. People make choices based on their own needs and feelings that may have nada to do with you. I embrace the idea that one door closes in order for others to open and consider so many wishes I uttered that had not panned out as I had desired them to. With the passing of time and with the wisdom of hindsight, I know all is as it was meant to be. Sometimes our most profound lessons come wearing disguises that are difficult to look at, sneering and prancing around, sticking out their tongues, waving their fingers moose-like behind their ears, taunting “nyah nyah.” Bullies they can be that would have us retreating in fear. Sometimes we succumb, sometimes we stand our ground and face them and then they have no choice but to back down, since often, bullies are cowards at their core who want us to be as scared as they are.

As the nearly midnight-moonlight-star-sparkled sky hovers above and the ambient sounds of my favorite post- 11pm radio show called Echoes, echoes through my headphones, I am winding down from a long day filled with infinite opportunities to love and be loved and THAT is the biggest attytood adjuster on the planet.