And Bouncing Out the Other Side
Change is the only constant thing in life.
Everything is always in a flow of constant change; we are no exceptions to this. Whether we fight against it or welcome it with open arms, we are constantly changing in each moment through our thoughts and our experiences. As we can become better at embracing change then this allows the whole life experience to become a more enjoyable one. We are all here to grow and change is the catalyst that allows that expansion and development to happen. Change is a never ending process that we are all in, so we might as well learn how to enjoy it.
Change is always easier when we consciously choose it, however on so many occasions the changes that we experience seem to be thrown upon us, usually just when we are feeling at our most comfortable and secure. When change occurs it usually indicates that on some level we are ready for something new, even though many times it does not feel that way. It may be that we are ready for a new learning experience; new challenges or we have learned all you can learn and grown as much as you could in the old situation. Whether the changes we experience seem positive or negative at the time, they always assist us in re-evaluating things, re-prioritising and having a new perspective. Even though some changes can be a shock, often they cause us to go through deep healing and this allows us to find new strength and resources that we didn’t know we had. Although sometimes these aren’t always clear at the time.
Change offers us transformation and growth.
Change always places us out of our comfort zone so that we can develop; this cycle is essential for our learning and growth on all levels, when we reach a new level of comfortable then that is challenged and so on and so on. Like when we go for a new job, at first everything is new and we can feel out of our comfort zone, but then as we learn the skills and settle into the new position we find that our comfort zone has expanded to accommodate the new. As humans, we thrive on new challenges to grow, however sometimes we ignore those inner messages to move on because of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the loss of security, failure, or more often, fear of success. When we listen to those fears we can become stuck in situations that limit us and leave us feeling less than happy and fulfilled. In some part this can be influenced by the programming we are brought up with, such as “you should be satisfied with what you’ve got.” “Don’t punch above your weight.”
Have you ever faced one of those dilemmas, where your whole being feels unhappy or unfulfilled in an aspect of your present situation, but your mind tells you a million reasons why you shouldn’t consider any change? Such as you’re too old, too young, not good enough, or it’s not worth the risk. Our minds are amazingly creative, they come up with never-ending excuses as to why it is safer to stay where we are, but our inner being knows that we need to grow and it doesn’t matter how many elaborate reasons your mind can come up with, the unsatisfied feelings just won’t go away. Our bodies never lie, we can try and convince ourselves of something, but our body will always let us know the truth about how we truly feel about things. And it won’t stop until we listen. Sometimes this can last for years or even decades before we finally listen and make those changes and then usually we end up wishing that we had made them a lot earlier.
Fear of the unknown.
So why is change so scary? And how can we make it easier for ourselves? Some people thrive on change, they love it, while others find it stressful, tiring and draining. The simple biggest reason that people don’t enjoy change is fear, especially FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. We humans are creatures of habit and on many occasions would rather stay in negative situations rather than make changes for the better, because it seems safer or easier to stay. But, this is always at the cost of our own happiness. Whether it is a job, relationship or place, that niggling feeling of unhappiness or dissatisfaction is a clear message that change is needed and that feeling will usually stay until we listen. Change usually means giving up or leaving what we know for something unknown and that can cause feelings of fear and insecurity.
In the current global climate, many people are dealing with big life shifts that can cause us to question what we think security is. We have been programmed to think that a home and money are security, but with these being jeopardized or lost by many in the last few years, it has become more apparent that these aren’t always real security, they can come and go. Real security comes from within and this can be developed by being honest and kind to ourselves through times of change, and as we develop a stronger, more supportive and encouraging relationship with ourselves, we can then allow ourselves to step into the unknown feeling calmer and safer, no matter where it leads.
The only true security lies in embracing uncertainty.
During any life changes there are endings as well as beginnings. Endings can cause instant celebration or they can bring up feelings of loss or regret that need acknowledging. Most endings, whether it is a job, a relationship, a house move or just an era of your life, have a certain mixture of good and bad. Even in the worst relationships, there were usually some aspects that were good and vice versa. When you only acknowledge the positive or the negative aspects, you are not acknowledging all and then it is left floating around your system. Endings represent the death of one part of our lives so that the new can come in and they need to be grieved and released. This is a natural process. Sometimes it is quick and other times it can seem too long, there are no rules about a time frame for this. It can be very useful, while experiencing transitions, to honor and acknowledge all aspects of these so that we can move on without regret and resentment, which keeps us living in the past and therefore prevents us experiencing the now and moving forward. A good way to do this can be to write a letter to the old house, person, place, job or situation stating all the things you’re happy about leaving, all the things you will miss and any feelings or unsaid words you would like to vent, positive or negative and then throw it away. This allows your system to acknowledge, release and move on.
Personally I have just been though a storm of back to back life changes, some amazingly good and some disastrously bad. At times like that I always remember that life works in ebbs and flows and know that things always flow forward again. The ebbs are the reflection and healing time’s in-between the next flow of waves, where we take our new perspectives and resources with us. I’ve always fought change and have learnt the hard way that the more I let go and flow with change, the less challenging it becomes. Over the years, I have been in situations that I couldn’t see any way out of and have realized that everything always works out ok somehow, even when my mind told me there was no way it could. I have seen numerous clients go through changes that seemed to completely overwhelm them at the time, only to discover deeper levels of inner strength, security, talents and healthy boundaries within themselves.
If you look at your life, most of us have experienced changes that might have been challenging at the time, but without them we would not have grown or found our abilities to overcome challenges.
Big life changes offer a wonderful opportunity for growth and development, although during big life changes this is the last thing we want to experience. It can feel like there is often so much to deal with and think about. But during the process, we may discover healthier boundaries for ourselves, strength or resources that we were unaware of, or a deeper sense of trust in ourselves.
Sometimes, we learn the most about ourselves during times of transition, however challenging they may seem at the time, there are always gifts of learning within the experience somewhere.
So when facing change, either by choice or it is being flung upon you, remember to honor your feelings as they are the messengers for your happiness. Know that change is usually a bit challenging and be kind to yourself during the process, you are your own best supporter. Allow yourself to acknowledge all aspects of the changes and release them. Know that all the positive learning will become apparent later on. Reflect, re-assess and re-prioritize. Don’t be too hard on yourself and give yourself time to adjust. We are always stepping into the unknown, more than we realize and we are always moving forward, even if we try and fight it, so we might as well embrace it as much as we can, because change is the only constant thing in the universe.
