“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”-Richard Bach
With the winter holidays approaching, we call to mind family gatherings; some bringing on smiles, some causing shuddering. For many people, it is a time of rejoicing, for others it is conflict laden. Wishing that you all are in the former group, but if you find yourself in the latter, I invite you to contemplate Richard Bach’s quote. I chuckle as I think about one of my favorite alternative family holiday songs by Robert Earl Keene called Merry Christmas From The Family which ‘puts the fun in dysfunctional’ in this cult classic.
I am blessed to have a huge multi-cultural, Benetton advertisement, across the age spectrum, diverse family of birth and choice. I grew up in a mostly Eastern European Jewish bio clan with two parents and a sister, as well as lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and both grandmothers. In addition, at holiday times, our house was often full to overflowing with friends of my parents; some they had known much of their lives, some newer acquaintances, but welcome all the same. These folks too hailed from all over the world and claimed different religious beliefs and practices. Our friends were always invited to various events in the Weinstein household, so it is no wonder that my own current tribe is far flung and yet always close to my heart.
In the past week, I have found myself musing with delight at the people I am overjoyed to call friends. I had the opportunity to have a healing session with a wise and insightful friend on Friday, and then what I called an ‘anthropological adventure’ with another that night as I explored edges and comfort zones, nurturing time with him and yet another friend on Saturday, a gathering with kindred spirits on Sunday as we celebrated a friend’s 6oth birthday with revelry including dancing, drumming and singing and lots and lots of hugging, laughing and smiling. On Monday, I spent the day at a conscious entrepreneurs’ conference, meeting new friends and reconnecting with others who have been part of my life for more than 20 years and then last night, witnessed a rite of passage with another friend who had just completed The New Warrior Training which is a weekend workshop for men; an initiation of sorts, into full and responsibly from the heart masculinity. It seems like a whirlwind, and perhaps it is, but then my life is full like that in ways that never ceases to amaze me.
Thinking back a month ago, I had beloved souls around me as I counted 54 rings in my tree trunk. One friend, who is handy with a video camera, went around the house speaking with those present. What resulted was an I Love You video that I watch when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself and it always does the trick. Four years earlier at another birthday party that friends had thrown for me, I wasn’t able to really take in, truly absorb the love being showered upon me, and I deflected it and like Teflon coating on a pan, it simply slid off. I suppose I have evolved since then.
As we are approaching the end of the year, I will be engaging in a ritual that I encourage you to do as well. It involves sitting someplace quiet where you can be in the stillness and holding an awareness of the people in your life today that were not even on your radar screen when the year began. Make a list and contemplate the ways in which you met them. Declare to yourself that you drew these people to you by invitation, or otherwise they could not have come in. Honor the connection between you out loud to them or in written form. You could incorporate prayer beads in which you can; one by one, bring up their faces as you count each bead. When I have used this idea, I have thought of a person, envisioned them and then made the leap to the next person that they introduced me to. You can add a virtual-thought hug or words of appreciation and then move on to the next. I did this one time using mala beads and went around twice (counting108 beads each time) which means I conjured up 216 loved ones’ images. I could have sat there far longer, since there are so many. What also amazes me is the six degrees of separation concept by which each person is no more than 6 people away from being connected to any other person on the planet. In my life there are zero degrees of separation since I often know someone who knows someone I know.
In my work as a therapist, I have encountered many lonely people; some because they isolate and others because they erroneously believe that the people who are in their lives now or were in their lives previously are the only ones who ever will be. I remind them that everyone they now know and love was once a stranger to them. I tell them that the world is filled with people, just waiting for love to envelop them. Reaching out, volunteering, willingness to be public and really letting people see in you just who you are…a spark of the divine just ready to burst forth in all its wild glory.
Today I was meeting with a client at a drug and alcohol counseling center and he was telling me about a book he is reading, called Recovery–the Sacred Art: The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice (Art of Spiritual Living). When he told me the name of the author, I got goose-bumps which I call my ‘truth barometer’ and shared with this man, the reason for my broad smile. Rami Shapiro was my rabbi when I lived in South Florida and he has remained a friend for more than 20 years since our initial encounter when another book he had written had (as many do) fallen off the shelf into my waiting hands….I kid you not! Beyond 2 decades later, I am sitting with someone whose work impacted him and contributes to his ongoing sobriety. How amazing is that?
I sometimes take this rather bizarre train of thought backward as I imagine that I am now in the presence of someone, making a difference in each other’s lives because 5, 10 or even 30 years ago, we may have crossed paths with other people who led us inexorably to each other. That’s what assures me when I sometimes feel discouraged that certain things have not yet occurred in my life the way I may desire for them to. I call it The Hansel and Gretel Breadcrumb Trail that winds its way to our ideal destination….that which we call Home.
Edie Weinstein (Bliss Mistress) is a Renaissance woman, colorfully creative journalist, dynamic motivational speaker, interfaith minister, licensed social worker and PR Goddess who invites people to live juicy. www.liveinjoy.org
