“Aaarrghh! Why does this have to take so long? I’m trying my hardest. I can feel [fill in the blank with the next ability I wanted at that time]. It’s right here. Why can’t I pull it in completely?!”
I remember those days well. So much frustration, so much excitement. I was newly awakened to the spiritual world. So much had opened up to me. The world was no longer as I knew it. This world of angels, healing, ghosts, psychic ability and more was so thrilling. I couldn’t get enough of it. I wanted it all and I wanted it now. This frustration seems to be pretty typical of how many in our culture experience the awakening process. In the West, we don’t have a framework to fit this into, so when what other cultures call “the powers” appear, we get hung up on them, want them all today, and don’t see the larger picture of spiritual growth. This is the way it was for me.
These powers become more available as we begin to tap into different levels of consciousness. In systems like Buddhism, this is well-known and people are trained not to put too much emphasis on them. In the West, it seems we are being thrown into the powers without spiritual training or much effort at all. The energy has shifted, allowing spontaneous shifts in consciousness to occur and suddenly people are able to tap into abilities they couldn’t before. With no context for understanding them, we delve into them. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. We are welcome to engage with them all we want. We just may want to explore any issues that arise from this and possibly seek a larger context for them.
The bulk of my frustration centered around these powers. I was experiencing many of them—my hands burning with healing energy, feeling angelic presences, knowing things, seeing visions—and it turned my world upside down. Without a doubt, I knew there were other forces at work—beautiful, wonderful forces. I wasn’t alone.
The ‘danger’ in getting too hung up in the frustration and looking to the future to that time when you will have what you are waiting for, is that you miss what is right here in front of you right now. There is so much that is available for you to learn and grow from. There is also so much joy right now, and you don’t want to miss that. Chances are also good that, if you don’t learn how to stay in the now and appreciate what’s here, you won’t appreciate it later either, because you’ll be looking for that next thing.
Dealing with Frustration
Two key things helped me to deal with my frustration over the powers. The first was the realization that the harder I pushed, the more elusive they became. Healing energies always seemed to flow through me, but my ability to connect at a more psychic level was thwarted. I couldn’t get into that quiet zone where I could hear and see things psychically. Knowing (claircognizance) was one of my earliest abilities along with the clairsentience that went along with my healing ability. The harder I ‘tried’ to know, the harder it was for me to separate out what was claircognizance and what was my own thinking. If I backed off and let it rise on its own, it was much easier for me to tell the difference. So if I wanted the abilities to develop, I had to learn to let go.
The second realization that helped me to just let things be was the understanding that these abilities are just phenomenon along the way. They are not the end goal. They are things that we encounter during the ascension. I had to learn to appreciate them without getting too caught up in them. At a soul level, I knew that—for me—moving toward enlightenment was more important than developing a gift or power. That doesn’t mean I don’t still work on developing them. I do continue to work as a healer. But my focus is always first on evolving my soul and taking steps toward ultimate enlightenment. Whether I get there in this lifetime or not is not as important to me as continuing to move in that direction. I wrote much more about this in the article: Sidetracked on the Way to Enlightenment http://www.bellesprit.com/asc-tips-may-13/.
Everything along the way has meaning and a purpose. Trust the unseen steps and know that change is happening, even when it seems like it isn’t. Remain committed to the process and to the larger picture. Look for the lessons that are available to you in every minute of every day and in every situation, whether you happen to like that situation or not. Like the tumblers moving inside a lock, necessary changes are happening, whether you can see them or not.
Frustration Meditation
I invite you to try this meditation to help you begin to move out of the frustration:
Sit with eyes closed. Take several deep breaths. Relax into your chair. Feel it beneath you. Now think of your frustration. Remember how changes aren’t coming as quickly as you would like. Feel that in your body. Take note of where it is, of what it feels like. Describe it to yourself. Is it hot and tight? Is it sharp and cold? Just be with it. Watch it. Does it change? Does it move? Stay with it and just watch wherever it goes. Ask of it, “Why are you here? What am I really frustrated about? What would you have me learn?” Listen for an answer. Watch for any images that arise.
Now breathe into the middle of that feeling. Breathe into that part of your body where the frustration sits. Imagine the breath entering and exiting directly into that part of your body. It gently softens the feeling there. As it softens, it may move. Continue to move the breath with the frustration; as the frustration moves, the breath moves. Gently watch where it goes. Pull up the thought of the frustration again. See what happens. Where is it now? Is it as intense as it was? Continue breathing into it and through it. Don’t judge it, simply watch it. Does it change into another emotion? What’s underneath it?
If possible, stay with it and continue breathing with it until there is no feeling left. Stay with it until it leaves your body or until you can no longer feel it. You may be aware that it has left through some part of your body. Or it may have softened, and softened, and softened, until you can no longer feel it. If another emotion or thought arises from underneath the frustration, stay with that as long as you feel you can, watching as that, too, moves and softens and possibly moves out of the body.
It is possible that the feeling could not completely leave the body right now. That’s okay. You can come back and work with it any time you wish. It may need to leave little by little.
Now focus on what is here now. Focus on the beauty of the moment. Embrace the perfection of where you are right now and all there is for you here. The beauty brings with it a light. Breathe that beauty and light in. Breathe it into the space where the frustration was. Allow it to take hold. Allow it to anchor in. It may not feel perfect, but know that it is. There is something of beauty here for you. The future can wait. All there is now is the present. Stay here for as long as feels comfortable.
Slowly come back into your body. Wiggle your toes and your fingers. When it feels right, open your eyes and go about your day.
For an audio version of this meditation, go to http://bringingthelight.podomatic.com/entry/2014-04-15T14_59_54-07_00
Trust in the process. You can’t push a rope up a hill. Instead, allow things to flow like water. Ask to be guided in your next steps and then trust that you will be. When there seems to be no guidance about what to do next, know that there may well be nothing to do in this moment. Just allow it to be.
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