As I sat here to write my first article for Bellesprit Magazine, I began searching my creative energies for what topic to write. It came to me. Why not write something about how I got here in the first place. How it is I came about going public with my abilities and the criticism and ridicule I would sure face as a result. Some of us even identify so strongly with our pain, that we choose to stay in it, rather than looking at ways of healing it.
Finding freedom and peace within has been a life long struggle. I grew up in an abusive and critical home environment. I was socially backward in school and hadn’t many close friends. All that I valued about myself depended on what everyone else thought of me. The value I had of myself was based on that negativity. The relationships I chose, albeit friendships or romantic involvements, were based on how and what others thought of me. That’s how I lived my life, living how others thought I should rather than what actually made me happy. I was so afraid that if I stood up for myself and was true to my own heart that the important people in my life would leave. Little did I realize at the time, I put way too much value in what others thought of me and how I chose to live, living what others thought of me. For in all reality, those people whom I placed such a high value in, never really cared about what I thought. Nor did they ask.
The ironic part about it is that in acquiring my degree in Psychology, I had learned how to assist others in the healing process with this very thing. And frankly, I was quite good at helping others with their self image. However, I was not so good at dealing with my own. For the past three years, I have been on a spiritual quest to find myself. Realizing that it was not up to the world to make me happy but it was up to me to find the happiness within myself. It began with being okay with my choices and approving of me. Whether anyone else approved or not, for in the long run it was up to me to be happy with me. That was my “ah-hah” moment. Simple as it may sound it had been a long and difficult road, but I was finally getting there.
“Acceptance truly comes when you can let go of the need to impress and only showing parts of yourself that you think others want to see.”
The true test came when I was given the opportunity to be a columnist and a Diamond Psychic for Bellesprit Magazine. I was asked to make a public Facebook page for readers and potential clients. I battled for days as to the right way to handle this. I poured countless hours and wasted energy in what I should do. I even thought about opening another private FB page and sorting out certain friends. I lived in total fear for a few days. What were my family and ‘friends’ going to say? Then I applied the healing I had learned and what I had gleaned from my spiritual journey. I put the fear aside and did what my heart told me to do. I sat down and opened my public Facebook page. Wow, talking about a freeing moment! I had just met fear head on and won!
I received more support and encouragement from people I never expected. In the end, it really didn’t matter who approved of me and my lifestyle. What mattered was how I felt about myself…and I felt great! So the reason for me telling my story is to say this…stay true to you. Do what it takes to make yourself happy and first and foremost, BELIEVE in and love you! The people who matter will stay by your side through your life’s choices and the ones who don’t, never really counted in the first place. I no longer care what others think of me, my choices, and that has been the one most liberating choice of my life. Acceptance truly comes when you can let go of the need to impress and only showing parts of yourself that you think others want to see. For if we are to have true peace in this world, each one of us must find it within ourselves first.
Peace, Love & Light to each one of you!
