Just when you think everything is going as planned, nice and peaceful; BOOM! You run into an obstacle that brings you to yet another struggle; an issue you weren’t expecting. This is what I found myself going through when I sat down to write an article for this month. It seemed everything was hitting me all at once. I needed to get my North Carolina driver’s license; my truck needed new license tags for the state of North Carolina, not to mention new insurance in the state as well. All of this on top of learning that my job was ending sooner than I had expected which meant my cash flow was limited. Feeling frustrated I turned to my best friend for support and encouragement but they were going through their own problems and I felt they were unavailable to be there for me when I needed them. Wanting to spiral back into old habits I had to take a step back and reclaim control over my feelings dealing with all kinds of ‘old’ baggage that rose to the surface of my thoughts. This really put a test to the lessons I had learned and shared in my last article. I felt it would be a good topic for this month’s discussion. Life comes with trials!
Maybe the car breaks down when the funds are not available to have it fixed, or you lose your job unexpectedly, or some sort of relationship issue arises, etc. As a troubled circumstance enters our current experience we tend to find ourselves worrying, doubting, or guessing our own inner guidance about the situation. This is what I refer to as ‘Hiccups’.
It’s the hiccups that bring awareness to areas within us that still need work. It’s a way of ‘testing the waters’ so to speak. With the current issue at hand, will you take the lessons previously learned and apply them to the problem, or will you revert back to old habits which causes you to find yourself stuck in the same scenario yet again? It could very well be a life ‘test’ to see if we have truly learned the lesson.
What if it was just as simple as having faith, trusting and believing in your inner guidance and looking at things from a more positive attitude than a negative one? Such as trusting and believing that the resources needed to fix the car will come, or realizing the loss of your job really opened the door for better opportunities to come your way, or the relationship needs to be looked at from a different perspective.
Let’s look at a relationship problem for example. You can start by looking at the relationship like this: Is it healthy for everyone involved? Is there one giving more into the relationship than the other? Or is it just simply a misunderstanding due to a lack of communication? Now the question would be: Can the issue be resolved together, or does one of you need to step back and allow the other the space necessary to work through it alone. Either way, communication is the key! It is important to be able to sit down and discuss the problem. Make sure you are open and honest with each other, showing respect for the other person by really listening to what they have to say, and stay true to yourselves. Reflect on why you are in such a relationship if it’s not healthy. Is it due to a fear of being alone? Everything was acceptable but just not exactly what you were seeking, but it would do. This is due to a lack of self-worth in which one would think subconsciously that they are not worthy of their true desires and accept the first one that comes along and shows interest. This way of thinking usually comes from an experience during childhood where somewhere along the line a lack of love or approval can become deeply rooted into the subconscious mind.
In taking a closer look at a probable relationship issue there are several questions we need to ask surrounding the situation at hand. A good way to start out is to identify what is actually going on. Take a step back and look to see if there have been any triggers that may have created the problem. Is it a recent thing or has it been going on for a long time? Could it be the partner is just not into the relationship as much as they once were, or maybe they didn’t change and they have always been this way and it is you and your expectations that have changed within the relationship?
Now the question is what is the best approach in finding the remedy? I believe that communication is very important when trying to heal a struggling relationship. It is also important to have the support of your partner in desiring to engage in open communication. Schedule a time with your partner to sit down and discuss both of your feelings. I feel it is imperative to bring up the subject of feelings at this point. You cannot project your feelings onto another person. No one can make you feel anything that you do not choose to feel. Stating that someone made you mad is a choice you made to be mad. Their actions perhaps upset you but it was still your choice to react to those actions with anger or hurt. Again, it was your choice to respond with an emotion that set off a ‘trigger’ within you. Taking ownership of your feeling when communicating with your partner will help to diffuse future arguments. No one likes to feel cornered or attacked regarding a problem. The best way to approach them is with a loving heart and let them know you’re interested in making the relationship better and it’s very important to you to find out what they feel. For example, if they are late coming home from work or wherever, rather than attack them at the front door with accusations, try saying instead, “When you did not come home on time I felt” … afraid, scared, alone, or whatever the feeling was. They will be more willing to open up and listen to your feelings. Utilizing this approach will open the door for better conversation and allow you to get to the root of a problem.
There is one more thing I want to share with you; when we feel we must change the other person to our standards or way of thinking, in actuality the only change we can control is within ourselves by adjusting our perception of the relationship. Sometimes the problem is in how you perceive the situation. This is why communication is very important in avoiding misunderstandings. If we are not comfortable in being open and honest with each other without judgment then we tend to hold back our truth in fear of what the other person may think, not wanting to make them upset. Although we want to take into consideration their feelings, however, it is more important to speak your feelings and release any fear of how the other may take your honesty. Being honest with your own feelings allows you to get in touch with deep rooted baggage that may be preventing you from moving forward with your relationship.
The main focus here is to identify the problem and then work toward healing to make the relationship better. Now, if by chance one has a problem stating what is on their mind, try writing it down and then sharing with each other. Both of you should go into the conversation with an open mind about how the other one feels and receive the information they are giving you with an open heart, listening to what they have to say and respect their feelings as they should yours. Once everything has been discussed, now you have a better idea of exactly where you are in the relationship and what direction you two need to take to both correct the problem and better the relationship, or decide to move on with your lives. Now, if the other person states there is nothing wrong and doesn’t wish to participate in the conversation, then it looks like you should step back and reflect on you. We all should do this anyway but when you have been in a relationship for some time we tend to lose sight of the true reason why we are still hanging around if we are no longer happy. This is related to Self-Love, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Worth that we tend to lack within ourselves and the best way to overcome these is to start stating affirmations everyday such as: “I AM LOVED,” “I AM WORTHY,” “I ACCEPT MYSELF JUST AS I AM AND I AM PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.” Another thing is to stand in a mirror every morning and state to yourself: ‘I love you… I love you… I truly wholeheartedly love you!!”
Now I have mentioned just a few examples that can cause hiccups in our lives. There is one thing to always remember no matter the situation, let it go and trust that it will all work out for the best for everyone involved. By listening to your inner guidance and watching your way of thinking paying attention to your true feelings around any situation we can then see where our life’s trials are helping us to grow spiritually just in the way we react to our emotions. Our thoughts are very powerful and what we speak, we manifest into reality. So, instead of stating: “I don’t have enough money to fix the car”, try it this way: “I have the money to fix the car” This statement doesn’t contradict a belief that you don’t have enough money; it simply helps you focus on something more positive rather than negative changing the energy around the circumstance. This helps lift your spirits, changing your attitude into more of a positive emotion. These are what are referred to as Affirmations which activates the Law of Attraction in accordance to your dominating thought. That is why it is very important to not focus on the negative but rather the positive, allowing the abundance to flow within your life.
LESSON LEARNED:
No matter what sort of hiccup is thrown at you, always know that standing strong on your faith believing it will all work out, be thankful for life’s trials as lessons to assist in your spiritual growth helping you to see areas that you need to work on within your life story. Do not allow the fear to set in which will only bring you more negative outcome. Negative thinking is more dominating due to the fact that it’s been programmed into us since childhood from our parents or societies belief. It takes more of an effort to stay positive but it does get much easier as you work on changing your outlook on life and not dwelling on the bad things but rather be thankful for everything you have in your life. Everything will work out just the way it is meant to be, even if it isn’t always the way we wish it to be.
Sometimes life does not always turn out the way we expected, sometimes it’s even better.
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