Introduction
It occurred to my mind that maybe we have been misled recently with the widespread articles and talks promoting the belief that the opposite of love is fear. Others for decades have simply said that the opposite of love is hate.
Up until this month, I hadn’t much thought of myself as a philosopher. (I have worked as a channel and energy healer professionally since the mid-90s, and also as a leader of four meditation groups, in Vermont and in Switzerland). I had read the idea of this concept several years ago, and wanted to confirm it for myself. I did some research, and I also asked my spiritual guides to comment on this, for the article.
Defining our Terms
First, to define our terms: here is what the Merriam-Webster dictionary had to say on the definition of “indifference,” “love,” “fear,” and “hate.”
“INDIFFERENCE is the state of being indifferent (adjective) marked by a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for something: Apathetic – indifferent to suffering and poverty.
b: marked by no special liking for or dislike of something.”
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“LOVE: 1a(1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties;
(2): attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt;
(3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests;
2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.”
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I found it interesting upon reflection, that both term definitions included the word “enthusiasm.” Love is when you have it; indifference is when you lack it.
The Greeks have several terms to describe love. Since we have only one word, we can learn a lot from these:
- Eros: Sexual and passionate
- Philia: Deep friendship
- Ludus: Playful love and sexuality
- Agape: Love for everyone; selfless; universal loving kindness
- Pragma: Long-standing love, patience and tolerance over time, in a couple. Mature and realistic.
- Philantia: Self-love
- Storge: Unconditional familial love (including your pets)
I would add the following thoughts of my own:
Indifference has to do with lack, while love has to do with abundance.
Indifference is a closed door. Love is an open door.
Indifference is exclusion. Love is inclusion.
Indifference is not being heard.
Love is being heard, even without words.
Indifference is not getting an answer, when we reach out.
Love is a promptly returned email answer or letter; an unexpected phone call; or a gift on our doorstep when someone reaches out to us.
Indifference is when one is passionate about something, shares that “something” with someone we know (an accomplishment, an event, a prize, a funny story, etc.), That someone then simply nods, grunts, or says, “That’s nice,” without eye contact, and goes back to whatever they were doing.
As in the dictionary definition above, it is “…marked by no special liking for, or dislike, of something.” Indifference has to do with loss, while love has to do with receiving blessings from people in our lives. What is lost? Our connection that we gain, with another person!
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For an overview, here is a quote from Dr. Zach Bush. He is one of the few triple board-certified physicians in the country, with expertise in Internal Medicine, Endocrinology and Metabolism, and Hospice/Palliative care. He was interviewed by Del Bigtree on his online consumer advocate show, “The Highwire”: he, in turn, quoting Patrick Gintenberg:
“Love is the experience of beauty.”
Dr. Bush went on to say in the interview that love is not a “thing.” It is not something to be grabbed. It is an experience. It is a state of being. He says that it is so important for us to remember, no matter how hard life on Earth happens to be at the moment, that life is extraordinarily beautiful. Beauty is not just visual. Beauty can be an idea; beauty can be a generous gesture to someone in need.
Beauty, and love, is when you appreciate a significant other, your child, your relative, your friend. Love can be the grandeur of a mountain.
Consider that indifference means turning one’s back on beauty and choosing not to acknowledge it.
Indifference is also a state of being. We can consider it as the polar opposite of love. If we look at both dictionary definitions, it is interesting to note that both contain the word “enthusiasm.” With love, we have it. With indifference, we lack it.
Consider what happens when a child is met with indifference. When a child wants to show a parent something, s/he might say, “Watch me!” or “Listen to me!”
When a child wants your company, it might be ‘Come play with me!’ This child, when not acknowledged, grows up into an adult who distrusts others. When a parent is not joining in the child’s spirit of joy, the parent might turn away from the child with downcast eyes.
What could demonstrate a state of being in acknowledgement? Eye contact. Leaning in. Smiling and laughing with the child. Love. Familial love, as noted above. “Storge,” in Greek.
As for fear or hate, what do they really mean?
Here are the dictionary definitions:
“FEAR: An unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger; a state marked by this emotion; the instance of this emotion.”
“HATE: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.”
So, with the spiritual perspectives, here they are, first from the Brothers of Light (Pleiades) and next, from the angel Ezekiel, spokesperson for the Council of Twelve.
Brothers of Light:
Q: “Would you agree that ‘indifference’ is a more accurate term than ‘hate’ to describe the opposite of love? What can you teach us about this? Thank you in advance for the highest guidance for the Highest Good of all concerned.”
A: “Hate is more of a refusal, than a state of being. Indifference is a state of being because one is not embracing, appreciating or validating.”
Q: “What is hate refusing to do?”
A: “To move past a past hurt or trauma, or to be moving past what (or whom) your parents told you to dislike. To hate is to take a dislike to something; it is more of a rejection of what is. Hate is blind, deaf, and mute. Hate is a choice. It cannot be the ‘opposite’ of love, because it singles out something in particular.”
Ezekiel:
Q;” Would you say that fear is a less accurate description than indifference, as the opposite to love?”
A: “Fear is a state of immobilization or paralysis. It is a constriction that shortens the breath. It is tied to ‘flight or fight,’ and in the state of fear, part of the brain shuts down. Fear can be amplified by the fear that other people around you possess, like fanning a flame.
Indifference, when coming from another, has nothing to do with the other people surrounding you. It is a choice a person alone makes, when confronted with a person or a request, that s/he chooses to not acknowledge or validate. It is a choice, but not a judgment of you specifically–your ideas, your personhood, or worth. Your goodness is not invalidated. Your sanctity is intact, and so is your heart.
When faced with indifference, walk away and find a new audience. You cannot control another’s indifference toward you. Bless them and send them on their way to learn their own lessons.
There could be some confusion if you are with a person of another culture. What could look like indifference to you (their body language or demeanor) could simply be that the person is thinking something through.”
Hypothetically speaking, if one continues to show love by doing things for someone, making things, gifting things, keeping in touch, with someone who has only been indifferent in the past, hoping that they will change– we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. I came across a powerful essay by British actor Anthony Hopkins. What follows is a section of it (source: joannewellington.com). He has this to say about indifference, and he ties it into lack of love. It is, I feel, a great way to sum up this topic.
“Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.
I know your instincts do everything to win the good mercy of everyone around you, but it’s also the impulse that will steal your time, energy and mental, physical and spiritual health. When you start manifesting yourself in your life, completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to find you in this place of pure sincerity.
Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence.
That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. That means you have to stop loving people who don’t want to love you yet. When you are excluded, subtly offended, forgotten or easily ignored by people you give time to, you don’t do yourself any favor by allowing them your energy and your life.
The truth is that you’re not for everyone…And that not everyone is for you…
That makes this world so special, when you find the few people you have friendship, love or a true relationship with…
You will know how valuable that is…”
(end)
Sources for the Greek words to describe love:
- YES! Magazine, online. Article by Roman Krznaric.
- wellandgood.com
About the Author
Kate Lanxner lives in Maryland in the D.C. region and offers sessions in person and via Zoom. More details are in the Diamond Psychics section of our website. You can view testimonials, on her Facebook page, Nightingale Spirit Energy. Her email is holisticspeak@gmail.com. Her book, “Blueprints for Balanced Peace” also has a Facebook page and is available to order at www.lulu.com.
