Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.-Anne Lamott
Yesterday as the harsh winter weather gave way to a meltingly beautiful spring day in Bucks County, PA and the tender shoots stretched their green fingers up from the hardened ground, I too felt a dissolving of the crust that had formed around my soul. I engaged in my Sunday ritual of attending services at one of my spiritual communities, called Circle of Miracles. It is an interfaith gathering that is the home for many who study A Course in Miracles, are trained in Reiki and see the world through the eyes of love. Folks from all faith backgrounds and upbringing come there, carrying with them their own inner light.
On this particular day, a friend named Clara Cataldo was what we call the Speaker/Spark who was there to share her message with the congregation. I was eager to get there to hear her speak on the subject “Access Ease, Joy and Glory”. The topic alone was enticing, and enhancing the experience is watching someone I know shine… She is an Interfaith Minister, Reiki Master-Teacher, Certified Hypnotherapist, Reflexologist and Access Consciousness Bars Facilitator, so I knew she would have many resources from which to draw her talk. I was running late, and didn’t want to miss her part of the service, so I said a quick prayer to the traffic angels to get me there right on time. They didn’t disappoint, and a bonus along the way was a message from my mother who passed in 2010. I think about her and my father all throughout my day and they show up in pretty cool ways; sometimes in a melodic manner. Another Sunday ritual is listening to a show called Sleepy Hollow which is broadcast from a radio station out of The University of Pennsylvania, called WXPN. They play an eclectic mix and in this particular case, music that eases listeners into their weekend. One that is in their regular rotation was made famous by Nat King Cole, and written by Eden Ahbez, called Nature Boy which was my mother’s favorite that she sang to us as children, I sang it to my son and when she passed, sang to her at her funeral. Its stirring lyrics accompanied me en route.
“There was a boy.
A very strange enchanted boy.
They say he wandered very far, very far.
Over land and sea.
A little shy and sad of eye.
But very wise was he.
And then one day.
One magic day he passed my way.
And though we spoke of many things.
Fools and kings.
This he said to me.
The greatest thing.
You’ll ever learn.
Is just to love and be loved.
In return.”
When I arrived at Circle, perfectly timed, the celebration was just beginning and I slid into a comfy seat and witnessed my friend beaming in front of the laughing and smiling group who were totally absorbed in what she was saying. The Anne Lamott quote jumped out at me, since for such a long time, my ‘mission, purpose, driving force;’ call it what you will, was to do a whole lot of running around to scoop up wrecked ships or at least do my utmost to prevent them from being dashed up against the rocks by the soaring waves. When I couldn’t, I felt as if I had failed. I would often exhaust myself in the process. My sense of value and worth was based on that success-failure ratio when in reality, the ‘captains’ of said ‘ships’ know about lighthouses and are responsible for making their own safe passage.
I am writing this article in the wee hours since sleep has eluded me and rather than toss and turn, I am turning to what I know best; taking fingers to keyboard and letting my soul speak. I have struggled with my own perceived shipwrecks; decisions I have made over the years and the ensuing consequences; sea monsters that lurk beneath the surface of seemingly calm waters, waiting to pull me under into their multi-tentacled clutches. One such was a relationship that ended many years ago that I questioned leaving and the choice got made for me when the person died. Although there was a great deal of love between us, there was also turmoil born of emotional woundings in this person’s history, combined with my aforementioned co-dependent tendencies that didn’t always lead to harmonious interactions. As I pondered the decision I had made to stay, it occurred to me that had I left when it would have been expected that I do so, I would have missed out on some of the most profoundly spiritual experiences of my life and the career path that I am on. It’s likely that I would not be writing this article. My own ‘ship of fools’ had become a ‘ship of safety.’
Another verification that my thoughts on this subject were on target was a tangible gift that Clara had given us, since her message alone was worth gold. She offered us each little compact mirrors so that we could see our own beauty and I gasped when I saw what was on it. When my mother was in hospice, and I had asked her what she thought happened when we died and she said she didn’t know, I asked her to come back and tell me, she said she would come back as a butterfly, and so she has multiple times. Etched into the surface of the lid was a gold embossed butterfly. The reason she gave them to us was as a reinforcement of the Zulu greeting, “Sawubona” which means “I see you” and the response “Ngikhona” which means “I am here”. We all want to be seen, known and loved for who we are, without having to prove our worth. As much as anyone, despite appearances, I face that daily. I question what it would take for me to relax about my life challenges, the responsibilities of single parenthood, householder, solo-preneurship, the daily dare to succeed in all areas of my life, to bring to the surface what sometimes seems like buried treasure, to maintain equilibrium without getting seasick, to be able to occasionally drop anchor and rest in the harbor, to be that steadfast beacon, not only for others, but for myself as well.
Edie Weinstein (Bliss Mistress) is a colorfully creative journalist/interviewer, dynamic transformational speaker, interfaith minister, licensed social worker, reiki master, radio show host (It’s All About Relationships on Vivid Life Radio www.vividlife.me ), and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. www.liveinjoy.org
