Story: A 10 year old boy, we will call Joe, was talking to his mom about his dislike of school. A little into the conversation Joe said he thought school was so boring because he would rather hang out with the guy. Mom asked what guy. He said the one that talks to me in my head. Mom smiled keeping things as casual as possible she asked more about the GUY. Do you see him? Where is he from? What do you talk about? I have broken down the conversation a bit to make it brief and it went close to the following: Mom: Do you see this guy? Joe: Yes, sometimes, but sometimes I just hear him in my head. Mom: What do you talk about? Joe: All kinds of stuff, he knows everything. Mom: Like what kind of stuff? Joe: Oh, stars and planets, and flying stuff. Mom: Where does the guy live? Joe: (whispering) don’t tell, but he lives on the lost planet. Mom: Wow! That must be a cool place to live. Joe: (surprised) you have heard of it? Mom: Yes I have, but I don’t know much about it. Joe: (excited now) He lives in a big house. I only saw a couple rooms but they are very big and they are stone and wood. His house is so big you can run all over in it. He can come here and talk to me, or he can sit on the roof and talk to him my head. He waits for me so we can play. Mom: What do you play? Joe: We play on the playground, like ball and stuff, or help trees feel better and stuff like that. Mom: That is very important to help the trees feel better. Joe: Trees get sad just like people do. The guy smiles at the trees, it makes them happy. The conversation ended shortly after this but mom is going to explore more into this in a relaxed manner to find out more about the GUY. Personally witnessing this exchange enabled me to assure the child was encouraged, believed and allowed to talk freely. In doing so, both mother and child are able to share what is going on with her child. It will be very interesting to learn what more Joe has to say about the GUY. Talking to your child about what you don’t understand doesn’t need to be a dramatic event. It can happen with as much ease as the conversation above. Here are some tips:
- Do not interrupt, allow your children to tell you whatever they have to say without second guessing or confusing the topic with tons of questions.
- Do not show any signs or express disbelieve in what the child is saying. If you begin saying, “you’re making this all up,” “this is all in your head,” “how can someone talk to you in your head” etc. you will shut down all lines of communication from your child, as well as the ability the child has to communicate in ways we may not yet understand.
- Be patient, you won’t get all the answers at one time. You will need to casually bring it up off and on with your child and let them take the lead, if it is something they wish to share. It is important to let your child take the lead in delicate conversations.
- When your child brings up things you don’t know about, it is okay to say you don’t know about that but take the time to research and become informed if possible. There are many people and resources for most anything that your child may bring up.
- Relax, if your child begins to drift to other topics. It is just a signal that the subject is over for now.
- Encourage your child to draw a picture of what they are experiencing. You will be surprised at what is created when creativity is allowed to just flow with no limitations. You can sit together and make up a song or dance as well. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.
- Always keep an open mind.
- Plan play groups for your child with other children who are like minded.
