Hi, my name is Kelly. I love tarot cards, crystals, spiritual investigations, spiritual communication, rainbows, unicorns, glittery things, techno/trance music, rats and talking about my mother.
By Kelly Hopkins
My journey started at birth with my deceased grandmother, who passed away on August 20th,1980. She had approached me a day before I was born on August 21st,1980 and told me that I would inherit her beautiful gifts and to always cherish them because if I lost them, I would not be able to get them back. She placed a beautiful crystal sphere within me and told me to always love, be kind and use my gifts for good, not for the bad.
My journey to becoming who I am today was tedious and hard. For most of my life I never had any real friends. I was usually isolated and left out from participating in groups or found it difficult to have a friend in general. I was a loner, a child without friends, teachers would often find me playing alone. I was also bullied and picked on because of my name and who I was as an individual.
During my preteen years I would seek the guidance and support from my loving, gentle grandfather I called Opa, he was German. When I was 12 years old, I remember being woken up at 5am by my mom. She sat me down and told me he had lost his footing while going down the concrete basement stairs and smashed his head on the ground at the bottom of the stairs. She said he was in the hospital and the doctors claimed he lost 8 cups of blood. She had spoken with me and told me he was in bad shape and to pray for him. I wanted to see him, but my mom said no because I was already devastated from the news of him falling down the basement steps. I got the news a week later he passed away.
I was in shock and could not stop crying. Seeing him in the casket was enough to drive the stake home to my heart. I was left in a bad place, my mother and her siblings were fighting, my father and my mother were fighting, there were court proceedings, and worse, my aunt cut me and my mother off from her life. I ended up popping pills because I couldn’t take the pain of losing my beloved Opa.
As a child, I could not deal with the fighting. That night after taking too many pills, I went to bed and, upon falling asleep, my Opa had appeared to me and asked, “what are you doing here?” I told him I wanted to die. He wrapped me in a big hug and told me I was too young and needed to go back. I remember crying and told him I missed him so much. He gave me another big hug and said he was okay now and promised to always be with me. I was then gently guided back to my body. I remember waking up and running for the bathroom, puking up the pills.
In my teenage years, life became a dark place for me. I never fit in with anyone. I was getting into drugs. I was getting in trouble with the law and I was drinking alcohol. I ran away from home at 15 and lived in a sheltered home for older women. When I turned 18, I was with living with a man and became pregnant. He was very abusive to me throughout our entire 7-year relationship. At one point, he raped me, then a year later I found out he had cheated on me. I left the entire relationship with my daughter and filed court proceedings against him for custody. After leaving him, my life took a turn for the worse. I got into heavier drinking, which poisoned me a few times, and I got into heavier drugs, too. At one point, I had another dream where my grandfather told me he was disappointed in me and disgusted by my outlandish behavior and that if I didn’t stop, he would not visit me anymore and I would lose him for good. I remember screaming at him saying he was never there for me like he promised (this is so untrue as I had not realized yet that he actually was there for me) and I woke up in tears filled with sadness, hurt and anger.
I had a lot of reflecting to do at this point. Once I sobered up I realized I had a lot of growing up to do. I became a mom and did my best to make ends meet. I gave up the drugs and drinking and left it all behind me. I moved forward with my life and straightened myself out. I had become closer to my beloved mother than ever before. I apologized to her for all the hardships and mistakes I had made, and I apologized to her for being a brat. She had a heart of gold, she forgave me, and we grew closer!
I would call her every day and we would talk about everything and anything! If I saw something of interest she wanted or liked, I would call her up and say, “Hey Mom! Remember that hammock you wanted? It’s on sale!” and she would go out and get it! I would always surprise her with roses; no, no, not just any roses, but the freshest roses with the biggest blooms! I would squabble with others over the roses and say, “My mama deserves these roses for putting up with my craziness!!” I would also tell my mom all about the squabble in the store and she would swat me playfully and start laughing at me because I was a ‘nut-ball’ as she would put it. I had the whole moving of the neck thing going on and snapping the finger and the whole “don’t go there” attitude. I only did this to make my mother laugh, of course, because she knew how silly I was.
When I was 34, the worst news of my life struck hard; my mom was really sick and was in ICU. The worst pain imaginable is seeing your own mother dying in front of you and knowing there is nothing to stop it from happening. I would visit her every day and talk to her. I would hold her hand and let her know I was there and that I loved her very much. I prayed to God day and night for her to come home. The last day of my visit with her was the hardest; I felt my grandfather’s hand on my shoulder and in that moment, I knew she was not coming home this time. I asked the doctor what her chances of getting better was and he looked at me with a sad look. He told me it was very slim, and she would need a miracle, she was not responding to anything. I remember glancing over at her and I broke down, a part of me died with her that day.
The roughest part of my life was happening, and I was forced to let her go. She had been the one woman to stand beside me and stuck with me through everything that happened in my life! I remember seeing her take her last breath. The walls crumbled around me and everything I knew at that point had gone dark. The light in my life my mother had cast was extinguished. I had no light to see my way through life.
Losing another loved one so dear to me had put me back into that bad place again. I isolated myself from everyone, grew distant, and wanted nothing more than to die with my mom. I stopped eating, stopped caring, didn’t want to celebrate the holidays and my daughter at that point came close to telling me to “get over it.” I stopped caring and lost my way. People told me I was cold and distant, I took two weeks off from work and didn’t want to deal with life in general.
A year later I was starting to feel better. I took my 16-year-old cat to the vets for her checkup and was delivered more bad news. I was forced to make a decision that nearly destroyed me. I had to put my fur baby to sleep, forever. It ripped me to the core and I cannot explain the pain I went through, I went into shock, something inside me snapped (there are other deaths in between including a miscarriage I won’t get into). I remember collapsing to the ground outside of the vet’s office and don’t remember the cab ride home. I was going home alone without my baby and best friend of 16 years who I had devoted my time and life to and I had no way of dealing with it.
Over the last 3 ½ years after my mother’s death, and my cat’s death, more sacrifices were made; ones that cost me deeply. I did eventually find my way again. I learned to cope and deal with life with the help from one good friend of 22 ½ years and my loving husband of nearly 11 years. I started to feel okay and, once again, I was struck with tragedy! I received news of my best friend’s passing a few months ago in West Virginia. It left me feeling numb. I asked God how much more was he willing to take from me. The question went unanswered.
In the midst of all this chaos, I created a group called S & K Paranormal Team. I started researching and investigating the spiritual field because I had always been interested in spirits, angels and the higher heavens, and I have the abilities to feel, see, hear and know when a spirit is present. I have visions, astral projections, along with very wild and vivid dreams while feeling, knowing, seeing and hearing spirits and angels. I found the light again and I now also have found healthier ways to heal myself, forgive myself, forgive those who hurt me from my childhood years and well into my adult years. I went as far as to seek out professional help for myself as well.
I asked my Archangel to help me through everything, I turned to the heavens and asked for guidance, support, love and to be one with God. I confessed all my sins, I spoke my truth and I gave my all to God. I did what no one should do… I sacrificed myself to the heavens, but only for the greater good.
Time and time again I have asked the Phoenix as my best friend and guided animal spirit to help me too; she was my support through everything. I have been reborn and died like the Phoenix more times than I can count the hairs on my head. In the Bible itself God asks for one to sacrifice themselves fully to him in order to be where I am now. This is what I have done, and hence I sacrificed not only myself but everything within me and around me to God. I have been redeemed and blessed from the “King of Angel’s,” Archangel Israel. He himself has taken away all my pain, all my hurt, and renewed peace within me. I cannot describe the warmth and love I feel from the sacrifice I did, but it is wonderful.
I now live a peaceful life. I turn to my angels, spirit guides, my mom mostly, my tarot cards, my crystals, and keep those closest to me even closer.
