www.firethroughspirit.com. This month we have two unusual situations — a life where three karmic questions are clarified, and a great example of a soul who likes to incarnate in more than one life at once!
Why do I have such a hard believing that someone could be attracted to/love me? Why do I always befriend strong women? Why do I continually sabotage my weight loss/healthy eating attempts?
Denise
Denise, while I normally only tackle one question, these three seemingly disparate queries are all tied up in one life, in Gaul at the time Christianity was taking over. Remember that women were occasionally warriors here, and most certainly were not the second-class citizens they became in Christian civilizations. You were of an old-line Pagan family in the midst of the Christian takeover. The eldest daughter inherited when your parents died. She was a scheming woman who knew how to make things go her way while she looked sweet and biddable. You were the second-eldest daughter, what was termed in those days “a very handsome woman” and the one with the most intelligence and strength. Your weak point was in believing that your family would do you no harm.
Your elder sister’s husband was good with his hands for building things, but not so much for farming and raising cattle. You supported your elder sister in running the family farm and lands, even to the point of donning sword and shield.
Your sister knew a good thing when she had it, and did her best to discourage suitors by playing on your vanity – meanwhile intimating to anyone who wanted to court you that you thought no one was good enough, and spreading rumors that any man who wanted you would always have to be fighting for equality, because you loved showing that you were as good as (or better than) they were. As a result, you were in your mid-twenties and still unmarried (though no virgin).
Eventually the Christians in the area became too numerous to avoid. You made the mistake of antagonizing one particularly nasty family, who managed to attack and burn your family’s land. You were captured and sent across the water to serve in the Lord’s main household – they felt that someone who was as high-born as you were in your own world should be brought low and humbled in order to accept Christ. There you were constantly confronted with what the Christians thought women should be: pale, sacrificing, and subservient. You would not become this “travesty of a woman” – and you said so. And so the priest who was attached to the household set about breaking you down.
You were constantly reminded that Satan used women like you…that no Christian man would ever look at you with anything but loathing, and this was because of the sin of your birth and your repudiation of Christian behavior. Your appetite – a normal, healthy one – was berated and you were told that eating the way you did was because you were gluttonous and wanted good Christians to die because they could not get the food YOU were consuming. All the men around you were instructed to starve you, kick you, beat you, and rape you if they felt like it.
You held on for four years. In that time, no woman befriended you for long – if she showed any inclination toward self-strength, she was sent away. Finally, while doing drudgery work in the stable yard, you saw your break – and took it. You ran and lived like an outlaw for the rest of your life, gathering around you a small group of women who, like you, were strong fighters and not what Christians considered “proper women of God.” Think of yourself as a female Robin Hood without the financial rich-to-poor agenda…
Any time you come in as a female (and with you, it’s about 45% of the time), you usually come in with your old needs to be strong, self-sufficient, and solidly built. You trust other women like you; the trust of other “typical” women is harder to come by, on both sides. The lesson is to accept that even strong, self-sufficient, solidly built women can be beautiful and loved in the eyes of the right man.
Why do I love harpsichord music?
Ann
Ann, I immediately see you in a large four-poster bed. This was a life where you were very sickly from the birth of your second child. However, your husband – a minister — was a loving and understanding man, and instead of putting you aside for a mistress or shutting you away entirely, he moved his personal desk into your bedroom, where he could write sermons or broadsides or treatises and gain your thoughts and praise.
He also had a small virginal (related to the harpsichord) that he would play for you when your pain got too severe. He actually played very well; there was a full harpsichord in the church where he served, and because his congregation was very picky when it came to musicians and choir directors, he played the music for the service himself.
He taught your son and daughter how to play, but the lessons were generally on the other side of the house until they were more proficient! As they grew better at bringing music, rather than noise, out of the virginal, your bedroom truly became the center of the household, and the virginal was in use from dawn to dusk. You were effectively bedridden for some fifteen years, before dying at the age of 36. However, because of your family’s devotion and their constant, loving efforts to keep you in the center of the family, these years were not as onerous as they would have been for another woman.
Why can’t I stay focused on any one thing? My energy feels scattered in so many directions all at once. I have quick bursts of obsession that have to be met NOW NOW NOW.
Kimberly
Kim, I got an unusual answer for your question: you have a propensity for being what I know as a “split soul” or “double drop.” These are souls who tend to overlap their incarnations or come down in two bodies at once. I have dealt with one person whose double drop caused the soul to view a pivotal Civil War battle from two different and distinct perspectives – when he was regressed, he reported the battle in detail and quite accurately – the first time from behind Union lines, the second time as a Confederate runner between brigades.
Your soul truly enjoys the human experience and wants to learn as much as possible from it; therefore you are always feeling the pull to “do more, learn more, see more, be more.” One of your primary karmic lessons this time is FOCUS, so it is extremely important that you learn not to have what I call “a bad case of cat-attention” – in other words, seeing SO many things you want to do/try/be/go to that you end up your incarnation with the karmic equivalent of a bunch of empty pizza boxes and a tequila bottle and nothing much else.
Find what you love. Test it out to make sure it’s not a passing fancy. And then GO FOR IT. It’s what your Karma is asking you to do!
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