Nurture Your Relationships As I was ruminating about the topic of September’s challenge, the world was informed of the death of 63 year old Robin Williams. The news sent shock waves through our hearts as we learned that this profoundly talented man with a gift for making us laugh, think and feel deeply took his own life. Why he struggled with addiction and the severe depression that drove him to make that fateful choice is not for me to guess. What I do know is that most of us, at some time or other, have demons to fight. And I also know that during those times, having even just one someone who truly loves us or makes us feel safe enough to fully reveal ourselves is enough to keep us hanging on while we find our way through the darkness. That someone can be a family member or friend, a counselor, or an animal. My dog is my confidante. Especially as a teen, I would not open up to anyone but my dog. And her unconditional love and ever listening without judging ear was enough. Even to this day, some of my deepest parts are shared only with my dog and God. For my son, his dog was also that lifeline, and as his mother, I was ever thankful. On the flip side, relationships are priceless for more than getting us through the rough times; they add richness to our lives. Relationships of the heart have great potential as sources of joy. To be able to share private thoughts, feelings, activities, and quiet times with people we appreciate and feel safe with and nurtured by is one of life’s greatest gifts. They are food for the soul. To nurture these relationships and to cultivate or heal other relationships, I encourage you to take September’s challenge. This is not a little challenge or one that ever ends, but it is perhaps the most important one. There are four types of relationships to cultivate:
- Your relationship with the Divine. Meditate, pray, have conversations with God throughout the day. Hold back nothing and speak out loud. Share all your worries, joys, pettiness, and relationship troubles with everyone else. Then be silent and listen. Connect with the natural world around you.
- Your relationship with yourself. Listen to your heart and the inner self that transcends the ego. It’s okay if you talk to yourself out loud and answer back. It will help you to hear yourself. Value yourself and what is truly important to you. Take time often to rejuvenate and connect with what makes you tick. Never say you don’t have time for yourself. Make time. I believe that you can only genuinely give to others from who you are, and from that same space, receive from them.
- Your relationships with significant others – your life partner, your children, friends and family, pets. Take a risk and share something deeply personal about how you feel or what you are thinking. Really listen to them when they talk, even if it’s about something you aren’t interested in. If you want your loved ones to share deep things, they have to feel safe sharing the small things. Go ‘all in’ and enjoy an activity with them that they love. Ask them to do the same for you. Sit down for a meal together with no outside distractions. Linger at the table and talk about anything. Have a question of the day – What did you learn today? (Can’t be nothing!) How did you feel about…? What are you wishing for? If you could change one thing, what would it be? What is your favorite memory? And so on.
- Your relationship with casual acquaintances. You see the sales clerk? Really see her. Smile and say something genuinely kind, even if it’s just a sincere hello or thank you. Both your souls will be touched. Believe it or not, sometimes it’s easier to make this brief connection with people you don’t know well because there’s less emotional risk. I remember a talk by Leo Buscaglia. He told of a girl who was on her way to kill herself, but didn’t because someone looked at her and smiled as they passed on the sidewalk. Such a minute, seemingly insignificant brief connection saved a life.
