“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” ~ Pietro Aretino February is the month we celebrate matters of the heart. Valentine’s Day is the day we arrange special experiences to share with a special loved one; whether it is someone we are dating, or the person we marry. Over my life, it seems to me that anyone I have ever known was either searching for love, feeling in love, missing a loved one, or grieving a lost love. My observations also tell me that too many people ignore the most important relationship, the one with oneself.

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you.  Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.  Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me, and I may be forced to love you.” – William Arthur Ward

Isn’t the word ‘relationship’ interesting?  One imagines a ship filled with relations.  Our first relationship is with our parents and siblings.  Other relationships include relatives, aunts, uncles, cousins and as we grow, our relationships expand to schoolmates.  We are introduced to a religion if our parents are religious. Soon we become interested in the opposite sex, we have our first date, our first kiss. As we mature, our capacity for love deepens.  Our yearning for intimacy increases. Few of us though, are taught how we relate to ourselves. Where do we develop the inner image of ourselves?  Do we allow others to influence our self-esteem with name-calling or labeling? When we step out of our relationships, do we feel secure in who we are?  Do you voice our opinions without shading them to appease the person speaking with so they will like us or approve of our view? Times have changed so drastically.  Younger people are putting off marriage.  Instead they pursue careers.  Many are choosing not to have children, to live a life more carefree of responsibilities. We are all very quick to judge even though we know it is not for us to decide for someone else – or maybe, we judge to convince ourselves we have made the ‘correct’ choices in our lives.  This, I believe, is so we feel validated in how we live our own life. Usually, no one ever speaks of our relationship with Spirit, with what our image is of God, or whatever name you choose to call what you believe is your creator, or – even if you believe in a creator. If you look back at your life, you will realize that we truly grow and mature when we are challenged by illness, death of a loved one, a major disruption in our normal lives.  Only then are we forced to examine our behavior and our choices. This is when we discover our inner strength, challenge our own beliefs, become so enthralled in the events of our own lives – we stop judging others and begin to take inventory of ourselves. We examine every action and reaction.  We look at past relationships and realize the importance of a specific relationship.  Did that relationship change us?  Did it change us for better or for worse? Usually, we glamorize previous relationships, recalling them as ‘our greatest love’.  In truth, however, that relationship ended because it was not fulfilling to one or the other of the partners.  If it was truly meant to continue, the two would have worked it out – made a way for the relationship to work. Have you ever lost faith?  Not in people, but in God?  Was it because of some cruel, senseless loss of a loved one?  Or was it because you felt punished by your version of the creator?  Do you believe in a punishing God, a vengeful God?  Or do you believe in a benevolent and loving God and know in your heart that your life has meaning.  Do you know you are here for a purpose? Many drift through life, they like what their partner likes, they take on the activities such as running, surfing, sports, the same political party to keep the relationship going. If one or the other begins to pursue their own interests, the couple begins to grow apart.  That is one of the most common reasons stated in a divorce proceeding, “irreconcilable differences”. One person in the relationship maintains their original interests, the other person begins to expand or drastically change their interests than that of their partner – even after many years – the schism widens and soon the love and attraction is lost. Instead of feeling nurtured and supported by a loved one we feel held back, prevented from becoming all we can be.  That is when we decide the relationship is no longer worth it. A dramatic Spiritual experience often is the onset of making different choices in our lives.  We had continued on in our life, content, cruising along, thinking things would always be this way.  A sudden jolt ‘wakes us up’.  We look at life through different eyes. We realize that we are more than a physical body.  We know deep within that we are a Spirit having a physical experience.  Dreams may revive vivid past-life memories that feel as real and this lifetime.  It stuns one to connect current life fears and anxieties to life times lived hundreds of years ago.  With the realization of the source from a past-life, the fear and anxiety dissipate. Now is the time we have to begin new relationships and the first and most important is with ourselves.  We learn to be more compassionate, more understanding and forgiving of past poor choices.  And as we grow in deepening these feelings, we judge others less.  We forgive others, have compassion as we understand each of us grow at our own pace. It is exactly like comparing a child of five years old to act with the experience and knowledge of a 30 year old.  It’s absurd.

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman

On this Valentine’s Day, I wish you love! Namaste`, Jussta Views:]]>