THERAPY TIPS TO KEEP THOSE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS The countdown has begun. Clasping party streamers in one hand and a glass of sparkling Champagne in the other, you wait to hear the midnight chimes. “FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE………HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!” The room erupts as everyone exchanges hugs, kisses and well wishes. As a surge of optimism lifts the atmosphere you silently vow that this is the year you will start anew. You will make your resolutions and stick to your guns. This will be your big year of change. Why is it that so many New Year’s resolutions fall apart before they even get started? Each one is well intentioned but so hard to maintain. Unfortunately old habits have been part of your life for a long time and they are there for a reason. Perhaps you have a history of over eating, smoking or difficult relationships? Maybe you want to chase that dream job or promotion only to find you lack self-confidence and are unable to take the pressure? We generally cover over our fears and deep intense emotions by over eating, drinking, smoking or behaving in a negative way. This acts as a comfort to prevent a connection with avoided emotional pain. We so wish to quit these destructive habits but fail to prepare for the covered up emotional blocks that make an unwelcome appearance once we remove the crutches from day to day life. By setting goals you are actively challenging yourself to face issues head on, often without preparing for the changes to come. Without coping strategies firmly in place change can be a terrifying, nerve racking ordeal. It takes time, personal effort and considerable courage to face the consequences of change. Old habits can act as a comfort zone, even if the situation you are in is a negative one. At least you know what’s coming next, whether that is gaining weight, getting breathless and out of condition or abuse within a dysfunctional relationship. All of these patterns are familiar to you and a “safe haven.” Unfortunately sticking with these negative habits and avoiding change prevents exciting new possibilities from entering your life. Why get stuck in an unhappy rut with no chance of personal or spiritual growth? Try to break goals down into smaller bite size chunks that are easier to achieve in stages. Setting your sights too high is bound to end in failure. Congratulate yourself at the end of each baby step. Before you know it all of these tiny steps will add up to a major achievement. Give yourself enough time to adapt to change; rushing will make you feel as if you haven’t learned a thing. Focus on your strengths and don’t dwell on what you perceive as weakness. If something doesn’t work out the way you expected just say, “I did my best, next time will be better.” Never say,“I failed.” Reframe all negative situations and thoughts by changing the negatives into positives. If you fail at a job interview it’s because that wasn’t the right thing for you right now. If you feel overloaded at work it’s because the boss knows you are capable of taking on responsibility. Allow room for mistakes and always be gentle with yourself. Never self criticize, if you imagine what others think of you your imagination will go overboard and sap your self-confidence. No one would ever be as unkind to you as you are to yourself in your own mind! Fear is the reason many of us live such small and limited lives. Remember the acronym; False Expectations Appearing Real Check the reality of your fears. What are they based on? List the fears you have in great detail, for example; “I’m afraid of social gatherings because I think people will find me uninteresting and I will make a fool of myself.” Include the things you would not usually admit to anyone. Now imagine a good friend had written the list and is asking for your advise. What would you tell them? How real are your fears now?  Grade each fear from 0 to 9 with 9 being the most frightening. Now what advise would you give? How realistic are these fears in the cold light of day? Taking your own advise will require you to put pressure on yourself to behave in ways that are slightly uncomfortable. Take your time and always praise yourself for efforts made. Don’t avoid difficult emotions, they can teach you so much. Good luck with all of your New Year’s resolutions and welcome the positive changes they bring. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?  ]]>