“If we do not transform our suffering, we will transmit our suffering to others.” ~ Richard Rohr Everyone suffers!  Not because we want to, but even as the Buddha said, “Life is suffering!” Many experiences cause suffering.  One is lost love, a divorce of our parents or our own, traumatic events such as a serious auto accident, war injuries – especially PTSD, that is so common since the Iraq and Afghanistan war.  Is it only the military suffering PTSD?  I do not believe that to be true. I only recently acknowledged that I suffer from PTSD while editing and formatting my latest memoir, THE HOUSE OF LAW – PART III – JOURNEY OF A SOUL.  I suffered all the symptoms, reliving traumatic experiences as though they were occurring in the moment.  It was so bizarre to feel all the emotions, the fear, the tension in my body causing nightmares and knee-jerk reactions.  This memoir published February 28, 2015.  I also realized that I have been editing, formatting, and publishing one memoir each month beginning last November 2014.  I have written these memoirs beginning in 1988 and continued writing them over the years, close to the time of the experiences, which I am extremely grateful for because I could never have recalled the emotions, the details, and often, even the names of the people involved. After all these years of the manuscripts stuck in storage, suddenly – this was my entire focus!  I had not planned it.  Actually, I keep finding more manuscripts to my own amazement.  There is one more completed memoir to edit, format and publish which is also over 300 pages long. Thank heaven, I wrote them separately as part of the series of my own journey of my soul. Over these many years, I focused on my spirituality while fulfilling a promise made to The White Light when I died on the operating table on Holy Saturday and resurrected on Easter Sunday 1962.  The White Light kept insisting I go into the light.  I argued that there was something more I had to do!  I promised I would do anything for additional life in this body.  The White Light granted me additional life, but instead of telling me what I needed to do, The White Light responded, “You will know when you have done what it is you are to do.” I suffered from retrograde amnesia from dying, making the promise and that I was engaged to my high-school sweetheart at the time of the accident.  All the memories for almost a year prior to the accident were gone. Thirteen years later, I was a successful businesswoman when suspicious or traumatic experiences happened on April Fool’s Day!  I would even ask or remark, “Is this some kind of joke?”  Of course, others, including myself, would laugh and forget about it. Until on April Fool’s Day, I discovered my First Holy Communion Certificate that was supposed to be almost 200 miles away stored in my sister’s garage.  It was teleported.  As I read this certificate, all of the memoires missing during the retrograde amnesia period, including dying and making the promise to The White Light came flooding back! Then I gasped as I continued to read the certificate, which stated that I received my First Holy Communion on the 1st Day of April – APRIL FOOL’S DAY! I knew without a doubt that this was my ‘Divine Sign’ from The White Light telling me this was part of fulfilling my promise for additional life ‘to do anything’! I was stunned!  My mouth dropped open with the realization of the import of recognizing my Divine Signs!  I guess when I made the promise so many years before I thought I would have to do just one spectacular, wonderful action.  I was so wrong!  Obviously, this was an ongoing fulfillment of the promise – these ‘Divine Signs’ guiding me to the ‘next step’ on my journey of a soul. As I was editing and formatting The House of Law, anger, resentment, waves of rage washed over me as much as the tears streaming down my cheeks.  I wanted to scream and wail at all the injustice I had suffered. I reached the depths of deep suffering, feeling betrayed and the victim over and over again in so many instances, I was shocked! I believed myself to have become a very spiritual and extremely conscious being, in touch with my intuition, and my soul.  I was so certain I was a loving, kind, compassionate person!  I was non-judgmental, thoughtful, doing one good deed after another. This realization was obviously a crisis in consciousness and a major turning point in my life. As a coping device, I had buried these dark emotions so deep; I could not come to terms with them until the right time, and this was that time! I thought I had forgiven those that had injured or traumatized me.  I had said the words over the years; adding, “even if I do not totally mean it right now I will truly forgive one day.” The time and the day had come.  My buried ‘treasures’ of anger, resentment, rage had surfaced and there was no denying these feelings. I wanted to lash out!  I wanted to name names and make people pay for their betrayal and cruelty to me. How could it not while reliving all these experiences? I have always had a photographic memory, so as I was editing and writing, formatting the words of my memoirs it was as though I was reliving each traumatic experience! I thought about several years ago when I attracted extremely vicious, neighbors and landlords that were actually slum lords hiding mold or asbestos disconnected heating ducts.  There were several years of medically debilitating environments that almost killed me – literally!  The last two moves, I collapsed with double pneumonia and died.  This time, the White Light sent me back. I was certain I had done nothing to deserve or attract these serial traumatic experiences.  What in the world was going on?  I could not figure it out. That is until as I completed The House of Law, I had a major AHA moment! I recalled that as we grow in consciousness, if we have a hidden issue or emotion, even as small as a grain of sand, what comes back to us as Karma is magnified hundreds or thousands times over! Oh my, oh me, oh my!  I proclaimed all I wanted was peace and quiet and to live in harmony, to write and create in my senior years.  Surely, I had earned it. NO!  With all those devastating, hidden emotions buried – of course, I could not live as I proclaimed consciously.  My subconscious was attracting these experiences to me to force me to ‘search within’ to discover the source of what I was attracting. Only when some part of me decided it was time to heal, time to forgive was the method for the healing presented in the form of reliving my life through my own written words. I reached up into my bookcase and instantly found a book I had purchased from an incredible healer back in the late 1970s.  The title of that book is Health & Harmony by Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov.  As I began reading, more realizations tumbled across my mind.  My health had steadily deteriorated since I had returned from Australia!  One injury, car accident, major surgery or health challenge after another plagued me for the past fifteen years! My soul was crying out to be heard, wanting to be healed! As I read the author’s wise words, a peace and a knowing filled my being.  I was certain I could feel my soul sigh and smile! I grabbed an index card and copied the following words from the book, “I forgive everyone!  Everyone forgives me!  I forgive myself!  God forgives me, and I am free!” So how do we transform our suffering so we do not transmit it to others? One day at a time, one-step at a time, all in Divine Order! You can never go wrong seeking harmony.  Proclaim love to every flower, bird, cloud, person, including you.  Eventually, your higher consciousness will bring up what is hidden in your subconscious bringing you the perfect vehicle, relationship, or experience to dig deep for your own personal healing! As each of us transforms our suffering, we heal and allow others to transform as well.  Blessings Be! Namaste` (The divine in me, acknowledges the divine in you!), Jussta Photo:  Cover of The House of Law – Part III – Journey Of A Soul by Jussta Journey Of A Soul memoirs for transformation and empowerment available on Amazon now! © 2015 Jussta All Rights Reserved Views:]]>